Today, April 1, 2001, we are
honoring those companies which most aggressively exploit New Mexico's corporate welfare system for their unending commitment to increase their profits.

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On April 1, 1998, SWOP awarded the first annual IRBies. The IRBie is a much coveted tribute to those corporate and public officials who have successfully exploited the corporate welfare system in New Mexico, often providing little or no benefits to our citizens nor our government.

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Fourth Annual 'Irbie' Awards pay
tribute to corporate welfare system in New Mexico

MARTINEZTOWN, 'BURQUE, March 31, 2001

The intersection of Lomas and Broadway was filled with a wide array of SUVs (Standard yUppy Vehicles) last night, as Albuquerque's business elite gathered to celebrate the Fourth Annual New Mexico Corporate Welfare Awards Ceremony. The Corporate Welfare Awards are also known as the "Irbies", named after the Industrial Revenue Bonds (IRBs), tax abatements for large corporations, that are a favorite form of corporate welfare used by our local elected officials.

Co-hosts, hotheaded Mayor Jim Baca and hotheaded rap artist Eminem, were on hand to host this year's ceremony at the proposed site of Baca's new baseball stadium. Commenting on the choice of location, Baca said "I think it's a great tribute to my own contributions in the area of corporate welfare. Not only am I fighting to make ordinary citizens pay for a multi-million dollar stadium to benefit a corporate-sponsored team, but I will also wipe out one of the city's oldest communities in the process. I will do this… for I am the Mayor of Albuquerque!" Baca then burst into maniacal laughter.

"#%&* ¡@^# Irbies!" chimed in Eminem.

Philips Semiconductors
took home Irbie of the Year, for its unprecedented reaming of Albuquerque taxpayers. "Ordinarily, corporations are forced to make unrealistic concessions, like providing new low-wage jobs, in exchange for the kind of tax breaks we received," said Heinz Rebmann, former Vice President and General Manager of Albuquerque's Philips plant. "But thanks to the city of Albuquerque, all we had to do was threaten to leave, and then we just promised to stay open for five more years."

"Yo! Forget about Dre! This guy's the biggest thug I ever met!" commented Eminem.

Rebmann, who left the Albuquerque
plant in January, announced his
retirement from Philips, as of April 1. Also, in tribute to Philips parent company, Royal Philips, Inc., Rebmann announced that he would follow the inspiration of "royal" musician Prince by changing his name to a
symbol, $, or "The Extortionist formerly known as Heinz."

"There are so many people I have to thank for this award," continued $. "We really could not have won this without our number one fan, Sherry Robinson. To paraphrase the great Simon and Garfunkel, 'Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson. Philips holds a place for those who prey.'"

Robinson herself, won a dishonorable mention, the
'Doing all I can to keep the poor in their place' Award. "A woman after my own heart, this irrational Albuquerque Tribune columnist and emissary from the Planet Business is even more hotheaded than I am," commented Mayor Baca. Robinson received the award for her bitter diatribes against community activists who fight for more public participation in the IRB process.

"I should have won that #@*%! Irbie of the Year Award," commented Robinson. "I've been promoting corporate welfare a lot longer than the Extortionist formerly known as Heinz!"

Philips narrowly defeated Robinson and Emcore Corporation for the Irbie of the Year. Emcore wowed the business community in the summer of 2000, by receiving its second $55 million IRB in three years.

A highlight of this year's ceremony was a tribute to Erik Pfeiffer, who retired last month as Director of Albuquerque's Office of Economic Development. Several speakers noted Pfeiffer's ability to fulfill the desires of both the business community and city politicians. "Erik could brown nose with the best of them," said Mayor Baca. "He's really the kind of staff that you want to have behind you."

The audience rose to a standing ovation as Eminem took Pfeiffer's hand and gave him the newly commissioned "Pied Pfeiffer" Irbie. This award goes to those who make great strides in leading the rats (and fat cats) into town, and our tax dollars out.

"He outdid his own self with last year's Philips deal," said Eminem. "After seven years of finding new ways to make ordinary citizens pay corporations to do business here, the only question I have is where do I keep my award? At the condo in Guaymas or the one in Angel Fire?" commented a tearful Pfeiffer.

Unfortunately, several members
of the City Council who were present for the ceremony, slept through the most exciting parts of it.

"You know, the Industrial Revenue Bonds, are a way for us to help out our corporate neighbors," said one veteran City Councilor. "The IRBs are really a fulfillment of a dream I have for how we can provide low wage jobs for our citizens, while at the same time exposing people to toxic chemicals, and forcing them to pay higher taxes. I have many dreams like this while I nap at City Council meetings."

Freshman City Councilor Greg Payne was among those councilors present. "You know, when I was new and naïve, I used to think IRBs were bad for taxpayers. But now that I've been in office for one whole year, I realize that backstabbing is just how business gets done in this town." Payne had been slated to receive an Irbie this year, but was left out by a floor substitute voted in at the beginning of the ceremonies.

"They beat me at my own game," sighed Payne.

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The above awards ceremony is, of course, an April Fool's joke. None of the quotes can be attributed to the speakers. However, Industrial Revenue Bonds are not a joke. On April Fools Day, 1992, Intel Corporation and the State of New Mexico announced a $1 billion IRB proposal, the largest ever considered in New Mexico at that time. By the time the IRB was approved in 1993, the total issue had increased to $2 billion and encompassed the largest construction project in the nation. Intel Corporation went on to achieve the largest Tax Abatement package in history in 1995 when Sandoval County approved an $8 billion IRB.

The SouthWest Organizing Project calls on all our elected officials to develop policies that allow more public participation in the process of designing IRBs, and that objectively evaluate the relative costs and benefits of individual IRBs throughout their course.

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Check out last years IRBie awards.